Dupe Glitch
by John Bigboote
Summary: Another gooey adventure for D. Va and her MEKA squadron.


"_Give it to me."_

\- Proto-Hasselhoff

"_I intend to."_

\- Lady in a mink coat in the first episode of Knight Rider

* * *

It was a nice day for some MEKA valkyries to get their round shiny asses assimilated. The air was warm and the sun's bright light encouraged rapid vegetation growth on the ground below. The natural sounds of the jungle were permeated with the high-strung whistle of plasma beams streaming through the air.

D. Va's team of twelve MEKA units had been sent in to destroy a sentient plant that looked like a giant beet root fused with the trunk of an ancient tree. The mobile forces were in constant movement, zipping in everything direction as they alternated between sprinting across the ground and making short hops with their rocket boosters. The skilled pilots strafed out of the way when the plant slashed at them with its hundreds of branches. They quickly retreated backwards when it spread venomous mist from its roots. The MEKA squadron were as elite as they come and completely on their A-game, but these bunnies were about to pay the price for raiding the carrot garden.

The leaves on the plant creature's head opened and extended upward into a stamen the size and rough shape of a bazooka. It twisted in a circular motion, making a _plunk_ sound each time it fired off a glob of thriving botanical life like a mortar. Some of the Bountycatchers missed and smacked into the ground with an empty wet splat. Some struck their marks with sloppy accuracy.

R. Ri's digitized voice shrieked over the comms when she was hit first. Her MEKA became doused in sparks as it suddenly lost all power and slumped on its knee hydraulics. A. Ha, D. Va, and Y. Vern were hit next. The last two to get caught in the flying shrubbery were T. Fa and Z. Bo.

The onboard systems controlling the six MEKA shorted out as they were infested by creeping vines and moss. D. Va bounced on her stomach wincing as her dashboard went blank and her unit dropped into a motionless parked position. Her MEKA's vibrant pink paintjob was lost under a blanket of dense greenery, turning the rabbit-shaped fighter craft into an aggressively growing Chia Pet.

The armor of the MEKA units instantly rusted away under the intense humidity of the bubbling and sweltering plant life. Prickly vines grew through the corroded armor seeking out the living minerals and vitamins strapped inside. The thick clumps of foliage completely covered each MEKA so the pilots couldn't be seen, but the screams of "AAAAHH!" and "EEEEEUUGGH!" rising out of their war-vehicles-turned-greenhouses sealed their fate. The plant food was ripe that day.

The rest of the mobile squadron stayed focused on blasting away the towering plant and had no time to watch was happening to their lettuce-covered compatriots. B. Bop took over as the de facto leader of the squadron while D. Va was busy getting slurped on. She circled around the roots of the plant as she issued commands to fire at 6 o'clock, set explosive charges at 12 o'clock, and regroup at 3 o'clock.

The feral cultivation taking place on the downed MEKA units continued unhindered. Moss seeped out of the silent remains of the rusted machines as the grass and dandelions covering them continued to grow. The spreading uncontrolled vegetation started to take on solid shapes in the soil in front of each unit.

Long stalks of grass wound together and became the wireframes of human figures. The structures were crude and basic at first, but quickly developed into the skeletal outlines of female forms lying in the grass. Hearts, lungs, and brains formed out of plant cells and filled into the rapidly evolving hollow bodies. Botanical membranes hastily wove together to become muscle fiber, skin, and hair.

What started out as shapeless puddles of algae changed into vivid plant-grown mimics of the fallen MEKA pilots. These shocking beings created from the beet plant's carnivorous attack were reproductive offspring or waste products, depending on what scientific definition you used.

The clones sprouted fully aware and ready for action. Their voices giggled cheerfully and sinisterly as they stood up one by one from the blankets of damp weeds they'd grown from. Their stems broke off from their bellies, leaving each one with a pretty close approximation of a human navel.

The team's new uniforms were ones of raw naturalness. Their naked skin had a striking lime green complexion that shimmered even more brightly than the pilot suits they wore in their previous life. They were born with prime physical conditioning and their melons had grown a few extra sizes. Although they'd been germinated out of different genetic strains, they looked like matching sisters with tangled wet hair and bodies dripping with aloe perspiration. They'd smell like a small garden of eucalyptus plants when they got a good workout.

The D. Va clone stood at front of the group with her hands on her green hips and her mouth curled into a smug grin. Her dark emerald hair clung to the front of her chest while the flowery bits below her waist were proudly left out on display. The whisker markings on her face resembled bright sunflower petals.

The rosy eyes of the flora pilots glanced toward their fauna equivalents –the six remaining members of the MEKA squadron who'd dodged having their butts put on peer with pears. They were still fighting the plant monster with their positron cannons functional and their genetic makeups untampered. None of them had even noticed what became of their downed teammates.

A simple mission to chop down an overgrown weed turned into a war for species supremacy.

"Showtime, girls," D. Va snickered to the five other saplings with a devilishly wild look in her eyes. "Let's give these monkeys in metal cages a yeast infection."

The clones sprung on their naked toes with the sheer velocity of MEKA units in flight. Small fast-moving objects with heat signatures adapted to the surrounding jungle foliage, they were near-impossible to track on targeting systems and made for a deadly enemy.

B. Bop was rocked steady as D. Va landed on her canopy and crouched over the cockpit. D. Va flashed a quick close-up smile before shoving a giant wooden stake through the shattered dashboard window and impaling the pilot into a human shish kabob. R. Ri's and Y. Vern's clones zipped in and out of M. Jay's sights until A. Ha pulled her right out of her cockpit and snapped her neck. Z. Bo's clone wasn't clowning around when she grabbed the cannon on L. Mer's MEKA in both of her arms while it was charging its next shot. She yanked the barrel toward M. Ber's MEKA at the last second so M. Ber was blasted away in a fiery explosion by her own squadron mate. L. Mer's demise quickly followed as D. Va, R. Ri, and A. Ha wrapped vines around her MEKA and crushed her alive inside of her steel coffin.

D. Mona and B. Loni were butchered in similar fashion in the heat of the madness. T. Fa slammed her seed-bearing hand into the ground, causing giant cactuses to erupt from the soil. The pilots perished as millions of needles stabbed through the hulls of their MEKA.

The clear sky was filled with black smoke when the fighting was over. Crumpled hydraulic cables and electrical wires sat in molten heaps along with strewn intestines. Blood was splattered across the grassy ground just as generously as oil and engine coolant. The six clones of D. Va's team stood over the burning wreckage like children of trees making a bonfire out of humans and their machines.

* * *

_Author's note: And then they performed a lively K-Pop dance set to the same BPM as "La Isla Bonita."_

_Author's other note: This is supposed to be the same squadron I first introduced in The Night the Reindeer Died, but now they get nerfed differently. I wanted to name one of the new ones in this fic after Yui from Muv-Luv. I couldn't get the naming convention to work, though. "U. Ii"? "U. Ee"? Other names I considered using were E. Zoomy and U. Noh. _

_Author's other other note: I tried to model this after the game's 6v6 player structure. _


End file.
